I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Buhtt sex?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
