i may or may not be watching the land before time
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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