Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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