Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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