you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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