i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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