so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mom said you looked used
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
