So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My cat gives me a boner
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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