You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
