i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
