Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
