I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We are all done wearing pants today
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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