Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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