Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
