ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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