Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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