Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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