You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize