A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
