Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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