i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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