So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
