Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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