On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
