he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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