my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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