I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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