a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
