Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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