Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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