Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
