Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
