I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
