i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
