Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
