ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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