alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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