What a fucking waste of an outfit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
