Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
