So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl is more easily done than said...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
