i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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