I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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