I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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