my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
