I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
