i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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