all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
