did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
