Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
