I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
