I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
