Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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