You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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