Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
