you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
