I wish you could order shots online.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
