Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
