I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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