Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
