We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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