I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
