note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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