Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am naked and annoyed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
