So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
