I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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