I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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