Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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