you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
