all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
