the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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