She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
